This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
