So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
