I want to have your abortion
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Holy sore nipples Batman
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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