we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
