when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
