you guys were way drunker than both of me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
