I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
