i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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