I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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