I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize