bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
