If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
