I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
