hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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