I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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