Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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