Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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