i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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