I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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