Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
