I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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