i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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