I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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