Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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