We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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