You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
