This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
