I puked a lego.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
