I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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