Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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