No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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