If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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