i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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