I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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