you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
