we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
