Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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