Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
