do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
