I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
