Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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