have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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