that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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