I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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