He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
