ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
