Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
