I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
