On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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