let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
