God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
