Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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