That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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