my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
