He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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