guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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