Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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