you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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