So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
