i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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