I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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