She's JV to your varsity
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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