So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
