I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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