We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
