he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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