she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
