I hate all girls vehemently.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
