I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
