Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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