my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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