I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
