I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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