so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
