I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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