lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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