Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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