every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
